Portrait of a Butt Chin

Douglas Bernheimer in:

Portrait of a Butt Chin

Douglas Bernheimer seemed to have it all. He owned land, had some trees of the lemon variety, and drove a Ford Escort that was missing its front bumper. He also had indoor plumbing! Doug was living the life!

He just had one problem: He had a butt chin, and quite a glorious one at that. Well, you have probably seen buttier chins yourself, but you do not understand his situation. Douglas hailed from the small town of Chinless, West Virginia. Nobody there had a chin. They were chinless and grinless. So even the slightest anomaly in a chin would stand out like a China man in a lingerie store.

To make matters worse, Douglas Bernheimer was an avid pudding fan, and a messy eater. Too many times people would tell him that he had a little pooh in his butt crack of a chin. Somebody even made him a miniature roll of toilet paper to wipe his chin with. At the time he cried about it but now he secretly uses it all the time. It is four ply, for less irritation on the chin.

Butter was a problem for Douglas, because it made his butt chin extra shiny.

Someone once suggested to Douglas that he tape some doll feet to the bottom of his chin so that it looked even more like a butt. Or if he so chose, he could turn the doll feet around and form a nice gunt, or frontbutt for short. He tried this once at home, and he was pleased.

As with most social outcasts, small children would often toss fresh produce at Douglas. He really did not have it going on. He would scold the children and flip them off. This would always prompt the children to tell him to stick his finger up his butt chin. He could not because his butt chin was not a legitimate butt.

One day Douglas decided that he was going to change his life. He went to the plastic surgery center in Chinless, West Virginia and decided to get his chin worked on and shaped into a nice, manly chin. It took about four hours for the operation to go down. That’s about as long as it takes your mom to go down.

Douglas came out of the office and inspected his new chin. It totally looked like a vagina now.
The end!